State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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