its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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