I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
