I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Randomize
