i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
