You smell like stripper and shame
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
