Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
