I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize