So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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