you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
