I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
