In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize