I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
