was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
