he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
