Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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