Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
