I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
