Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got chris browned last night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
