do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
