Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize