So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
