Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so let's talk penis.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
