Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
