Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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