So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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