I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
