I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
