Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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