i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
