literally had 100 drinks last night.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
