Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
