it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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