Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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