I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
