Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
