Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
