forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
