I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
