and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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