The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
