Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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