I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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