I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
