You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's shark week go big or go home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
