i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
