I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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