I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
