Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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