so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize