I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
