i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
