You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
