I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize