It's Friday. Sex?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
