I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
