i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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