apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
