Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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