Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
