i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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