dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
