if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
