i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
