I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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