found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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