he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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