im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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