Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
