Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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