i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
