Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
