just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
