non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
